X-Men vs. Pokémon
by Blitz
Summary: Quite possibly THE most offensive thing I've ever written. There's too much cursing. It should be sent to FanFic Hell. Celebrity DeathMatch, X-Men, Pokémon, and SillyFics all rolled up into one, but not as much violence as I'd hoped :(.


X-MenvsPokémon.htm Jubilee happily bounced downstairs to find the T.V. on a sunny, Saturday morning. She was still in sweatpants and a sweatshirt and hadn't gotten dressed, nor did she plan to get dressed for the rest of the day. 

She parked herself in front of the television. She flipped it on and turned it to the appropriate channel. "Yes!" she whispered as she found her favorite show was just starting. 

*I choose you, Pikachu!* 

***   
Upstairs in his room, Logan's eyes shot open and darted around the near darkness of the shadowed room. Then, he heard it again. 

*Go, Pikachu! Thundershock, now!* 

"Children of the Corn! 

***   
Jubilee sat cross-legged in front of the T.V. She looked up abruptly at the sound of heavy footsteps running down the stairs. 

"What- ?" 

"Where are they?" Wolverine growled loudly, claws extended. 

"Where's who?" 

"Don't play dumb with me! You know what I'm talking about!" 

"No! I'm not playin! What are you talking about?" 

"The Village of the Damned kids! I heard'em!" 

Suddenly, the commercial ended, 

*I'm a loser who falls in love with any living organism with female genitalia!* 

*Dammit, Pikachu, burn his eyes out!* 

"See you in hell, Rosemary's babies," Logan growled, bringing his arm back for a clawed punch. 

"Wolverine! No!" cried Jubilee. "It's just Pokémon!" 

"I know damned well what it is!" 

"What is going ~~on~~ down here?!" Scott yelled, entering the room with Jean Grey, both wearing a pair of His-and-Hers footed pajamas. Nobody was surprised. 

"Oh, good God," Jean muttered bitterly. " ~~Pokémon~~ ." 

"What?! What's wrong with Pokémon?!" 

"Yummmm, Pokémon." 

Everyone turned to the newly arrived Beast and raised an eyebrown. He looked around at them and then left. 

*Pika pika pikachu!* 

*Darn it, Pikachu! Get in the blender!* 

Logan made a face. 

Jubilee giggled behind her hand. 

"What ~~is~~ this?" Scott cried. "Poké-~~puree~~ ?!" 

"These are special episodes. They're only allowed to be shown on FOX," Jubilee explained. 

"Ohhh..." everyone nodded in unerstanding. 

"FOX has sunk to an all new low." 

Scott made a face at the T.V. "No, Jean. ~~Now~~ it has," he corrected her. 

"Holy sheep pucky! Turn it ~~off~~ !" 

Logan stabbed the T.V. with his adamantium claws, creating a conductor with the metal. Sparks flew up and sped through his bone structure, knocking him flat on his back, charred and lifeless. 

"Smooth move," Scott snorted. Logan grabbed Scott's ankle and Scott screamed like a little girl. 

Jubilee stared, horrified, at the T.V. 

***   
Meanwhile, in Beast's lab... 

"Finally!" Beast sighed, stepping away from his newest masterpiece.   


"Hey! Beastie Boy!" 

Beast turned around. "Oh no," he muttered, shaking his head sadly. Leaning against the door frame was Bobby. 

"Whatcha makin'?" 

"My newest invention, my dear Robert. A device in which to make any object on T.V. a reality. I have yet to put the finishing touches on it." 

"Oh," Bobby said, entering the room. "Kinda like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?" 

"Do ~~not~~ compare my masterpiece with a child's storybook!" Beast said indignantly. "Well, actually," he added thoughtfully, "I may have stolen an ~~idea~~ or two from the movie, but it was all for science!" 

"Whatever," Bobby said, turning around to leave. "Just tell me when you invent a Twinkie tree, okay?" 

"I'm closer than you think!" 

***   
Meanwhile, in a Japanese factory in Tokyo 

[Quick, everyone! Hurry! Get in the boxes!] 

[I have to go to the bathroom!] Charmander whined. 

[You shoulda thoughta that before we left!] 

[Up yours, ~~Dikachu~~ !] Bulbasaur yelled. 

You wanna take this outside? Huh, bubblebutt?!] 

[Into the boxes, dickheads! This one! It's going to 1407 Graymalkin Lane!] Charmander climbed into a box. 

"PiKA!" *Dzzzzzzzzt*! [I'll zap you ~~good~~ !] 

[*cough**cough* ... Holy shit ... ] 

[~~*hack**hack* ~~ *cough**cough* ... You pieca - !] 

***   
1407 Graymalkin Lane, one week later 

"Ah, yes! My new BackStreet Boys CD is here!" Beast exclaimed. Everyone stared at him. "I mean ... uh ... My new BackStreet Boys CD is here!" 

"Beast, it's for ~~Jubilee~~ ," Jean corrected him, handing the three boxes to Jubilee. 

"Ooh! Yea!" Jubilee snatched the boxes. "These must be my new Pokémon trading cards!" 

"Sugah, no!" Rogue ripped Cyclops' hands away from his visor. 

"Wow! They're ~~heavy~~ !" she said in amazement. "I'm gonna go check'em out in my room, 'kay?" She hoisted the boxes higher to get a better grip on them. *Sniff**sniff*. "They smell like ~~turtles~~ !" 

***   
Jubilee dropped the packages on the bed and heard a squeak and some voices. [Goddammit!] Pikachu swore. 

[Ow!] 

[I have an itchy!] Bulbasaur said, scratching his head with a razor leaf. 

"What? ... " Jubilee asked, confused. "What was that?!" She took some scissors and cut away the packing tape. Pikachu burst through the cardboard. 

***   
A blood-curdling scream echoed throughout the mansion. 

"What was ~~that~~ ?!" Rogue cried. "Sounds like Wolverine got his claws stuck in the pencil sharpener again!" 

"I'm right here, Rogue." 

"Oh! Well then, Ah'm stumped!" 

Jean lowered her hands from her head. "It's coming from Jubilee's room!" 

"Well, Ah coulda told ya ~~that~~ , Cher!" 

"Yeah, but I get brownie points for pretending like I'm special." 

"Point taken." 

***   
"You okay, chica?" 

"Skin?! What are ~~you~~ doing here?!" 

"I just felt like showing up. I'll be doing that every once in a while. Me, and everyone else. Well, adios!" Angelo left Jubilee's room. 

"Bye, Angelito!" 

Angelo cringed. 

"Now. Back to ~~you~~ guys, I thought you lived in Japan!" 

[Let's stop dancin' around the subject, sweetheart. We need to get down to business.] 

"Huh?" 

[Don't play dumb with us! You know what we mean!] 

"Sorry, but I have no idea what ' char char' means." Jubilee turned to Pikachu. "Well, aren't ~~you~~ the sweetest little thing!" She scooped him up in her arms. 

[I'll KILL YOU!] Pikachu let a little electric-zap fly. [Stupid jetlag.] he muttered. 

But the spark was enough to shock Jubilee. "Hey!" She sent him flying up against the wall. 

[Pi-i-i ... kaaa ... ] 

"Jubilee, you okay?!" Wolverine yelled, running in in uniform. 

"What are ~~those~~ ?!" Storm asked, looking at the Pokémon. 

Gambit burst out laughing. "It kinda looks like Wolverine!" Jubilee looked over at Pikachu. 

Yellow. Short. Two pointy things on top of his head. The similarities were uncanny. 

"I'll make you ~~eat~~ that little rat, bub!" 

[Heh heh heh! He's right! You're both~~freaks ~~!] 

[You want an ass fulla buttkick?!] 

"What did they ~~say ~~?" Jubilee asked of no one inparticular. 

"Pika pika PIKA?!" [You want an ass fulla buttkick?!] Beast repeated. 

"Nice goin', Sherlock," Rogue mumbled. 

[How~~dare~~ you say that to me, blue boy!] 

Beast dodged a thundershock. 

"We know what they ~~are ~~, we can easily figure out their ~~language ~~, but what do they ~~want ~~?" 

[We have come to destroy you, petty X-Men!] 

[Prepare to surrender!] 

[~~I~~ give the orders around here! ... Prepare to surrender.] 

"Oh,~~do~~ shut-up!" Storm zapped Pikachu with a small lightning bolt, leaving the smoldering, yellow rat falling backward. 

[Oh ... dear ... *cough*.] 

Everyone stared at Storm in disbelief. 

"~~What ~~? After several faithful years to fighting with the X-Men for all~~mutantkind~~, and fighting PMS for ~~your~~ benefit, and not raising my voice ~~once ~~, I think I~~deserve~~ this!" 

"*Cough*." 

"Damn ~~straight ~~!" 

"You tell'em, chica!" 

The X-Men turned around to see the GenXer, Skin. (The Pokémon were trying to recucitate Pikacu and were packing his ears with gauze, but all they could find was Bulbasaur's razor leaves, which hurt.) 

"What are ~~you~~ doing here?!" 

" ... Uhhhhhhhh ... Buenos días, One-Eye? See ya!" Angelo Espinoza ran down the hall. 

Scott turned back around. " ... Odd ... " 

"Let's get down ta business," Storm yelled. "I got one hand in my pocket and the other one is about to open a can of ~~whoop-ass~~!" 

"Storm? You're scaring me," Jubilee said timidly. 

"I need a drink." Storm left the room, a small raincloud over her head. It struck Gambit as she left. 

"Mon dieu! That ~~hurt~~ Remy!" 

"Good," Wolverine said, putting his claws back in. "Now ~~I~~ won't have to." 

Pikachu, having awakened, was busily pulling razor leaves out of his ears. [My ~~God~~, you guys are idiots!] 

"No offense, Jubilee, but that is some freaky scheiss!" 

"Kurt?!" Jubilee exclaimed. "What are ~~you~~ doing here?!" 

Kurt Wagner, aka NightCrawler, hung from the ceiling. "Güten täg! Me and the others discussed ze recent fanfics being written and ve decided zat ve haven't been mentioned enough. Ve vill be showing up at random times. You know, just to make your life difficult. Good-bye!" *BAMF!* Kurt appeared a few inches away. "~~Scheiss~~!" he hissed. "Let me try zat again." *BAMF!* "Ah, screw it." Kurt hopped down from the ceiling and walked out of the room. 

Scott Summers buried his head in his hand and Jean wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Of all the rotten days," he murmured, then pulled his head up, gesticulating with his hand, "they choose ~~this~~ one! The ~~one~~ day when our mansion is infested by ~~Gremlins~~! And ~~you ~~!" Scott pointed wildly to Beast. "~~You~~ put them up to this!" 

Beast did what is known as "shifty eyes". "I ... uh ... I have no idea what you're talking about ... Iceman! ~~Run~~" Beast clocked Scott Summers and boarded the iceslde Bobby had made. 

Jean helped him up. "Blame the writer, dear, blame the writer." 

"Heh heh heh," came laughter from out of nowhere, echoing thoughout the halls of the mansion. 

"Scott! They're escaping out the window!" The Pokémon were jumping out the window as Rogue spoke this. 

"Why didn't you say anything?!" Scott yelled. 

"Becuase ... ah ... Ah blame the writer," she said. 

"You can't do that!" the voice came again. 

"She can and will," Jean yelled back. 

"Quiet! I have spoken!" 

"Huh?" everyone asked, looking from face to face ... to face ... to face ... 

"Shut-up! Stop choosing me as a scapegoat! Choose ~~Gambit ~~! He's just ~~sitting~~ there!" 

"Hey!" 

"Shut-up! You all have Pokémon to catch! Go! Run! Become Pokémon Masters!" 

***   
Meanwhile, on the mansion grounds 

Pikachu, Charmander, and the ever-fat Bulbasaur sat down under a tree, discussing war plans in their own Pokémon language that only they and several small dogs could understand. 

"Let's do a free-for-all," Pikachu said. 

The rest drooled dumbly. 

"Okay! Good!" 

All of a sudden, a clawed, red hand reached for them. 

"Aaaaaaaaaahhhh!" 

Charmander and Bulbasaur drooled. 

***   
Jubilee stared out the window. Suddenly, she saw three, small,~~furry~~ figures run out from the woods. "I found them!" she shrieked. 

"Ah'm on it, Jubes!" Rogue yelled, flying out the window, followed by Monet, aka M. 

"You can't hide from us!" she yelled, chasing after Rogue. "Our fanfics ~~will~~ surface! Just you watch! ~~Just you wait and see ~~!" 

Jean sighed and shook her head, placing her hand to her forehead. 

{{ I know how you feel, gel. I have to deal with them every day. }} 

"Oh, crap," Jean muttered. Angelo had gotten his friends. Not only his friends, but some enemies, whether any of them were alive or not, it did not matter. She turned around. 

There stood Husk, Skin, Chamber, Blink, Mondo, White Queen, Banshee, Synch, and Emplate. 

"We're ba-ack!" Skin sang. 

"~~Blink~~? I thought you were in the ~~AOA~~ or something! And when did ~~you~~ return, Mondo?! Synch, don't get me ~~started~~ on you!" Jean said. 

Blink scratched the back of her purple head. "I thought so, too," she frowned. 

"We could say the same about ~~you ~~," Synch challenged. 

"No one can kill me. I keep coming back. The writers are considering a restraining order." She snorted. "*Hmph*. Good luck," she muttered sarcastically. 

"You gonna help or not, Sugah? We gotta go catch that rat." 

"I'm right here, cher." 

"Did Ah say ~~swamp~~ rat, Remy?" 

"Oh." 

Storm flew out with Rogue. As the two split up and soared over the treetops and the mansion grounds. Storm looked down and saw someone all too familiar. She lighted on the ground. 

"Hi, Aunty 'Roro!" 

"What are ~~you~~ doing here?" 

"Wha'- ? Huh?" 

"Evan, you were only invented for the T.V. show." 

"I~~was ~~?!" 

"Yes. Both you ~~and~~ Morph." 

"Oh." 

"We were ~~what ~~?!" 

"Get outta here! Both of you!" 

"You mean we're not in the comics?"   


"Morph, you are in some of them, but I shall fix ~~that~~ mistake shortly! Now get out!" Ororo blasted the ground at their feet with a lightning bolt. 

"Ahhg!" They both hopped out of the way and walked off, mumbling the whole time. 

"Go, Ororo, go!" 

Ororo threw a lightning bolt at Pietro Maximoff. 

"Too slow! Haha!" 

Ororo pegged him. QuickSilver went down. 

"No!" 

Ororo Munroe turned around, quickly recognizing the trademark red outfit of the Scarlet Witch. Forge whacked her over the head with his metallic arm before she could attack and walked off with Storm. 

***   
[Ow.] Pikachu said, touching his bandaged wound. 

Penance frowned and walked away. 

[Ha-ha!] 

[I may be injured, but I can still kick your ass!] 

*Gulp* 

"So ~~you're~~ the little rat-demons that have brought so much trouble to the X-Men!" 

The three Pokémon turned to face everyone's favorite purple-haired, British ninja along with her blue-skinned, winged Angel. 

[Burn, baby,~~burn~~!!!!] 

Psylocke coughed. Angel tipped over. 

The three turned around just in time to see a young girl phase through a tree and another girl get down on al fours and change into a wolf. 

***   
"Artie, Leech don't know why Leech here. Do Artie know?" 

Artie drew a picture of a question mark and shrugged his shoulders. 

"Well, as long as Leech here, Leech gonna raid the fridge! Artie coming?" 

Artie smiled broadly and nodded his bald, pink head. The two walked through the mansion, passing Cable and Bishop who were arguing contentiously over drapes and which would look best in Pheonix II's, Rachel Summers', bedroom. 

"She's been lobotomized! She won't know the difference between red and pink!" 

"My kid-sister deserves the best money can buy!" Cable argued back. 

"Leech think they gay," Leech whispered to Artie. 

Artie noded and drew a picture of Twinky Winky the purple Teletubby. The two walked into the kitchen and jumped in surprise. 

"What are you doing here? That ~~Leech's~~ job!" 

"Uhhh ... Silence, mere mortal!" Apocalypse roared, leaping back from the refrigerator. "I am APOCALYPSE! I will bring about the end of civilization as you know it! Ooh! ~~And~~ the end of this frozen pizza!" Apocalypse pulled the frozen pizza out of the refrigerator and jammed the hard thing into the microwave. 

"After all Leech see, Leech shouldn't be surprised by ~~this~~!" 

Artie drew a picture of a steaming hot pepperoni pizza, and then a yellow smiley face licking its lips. Artie looked around nervously, doing "shifty eyes". He then tapped Leech on the shoulder and drew a picture of Apocalypse gagged and tied to a chair. He then drew a picture of Apocalypse gagged and tied in a ~~closet~~. 

Leech nodded grimly and the two snuck up on the unsuspecting Apocalypse ... 

***   
Mystique stared down at the ugly, yellow, pointy-eared rat. 

The ugly, yellow, pointy-eared rat cocked his head to the side. 

Mystique cocked her head to the side. 

Pikachu cocked his head to the other side. 

Mystique cocked her head to the other side as well. 

Pikachu cocked his upright. 

Mystique cocked hers upright. Then she caulked her gun. 

Pikachu's ears went back and his eyes went wide, then narrowed to slits. 

Mystique nodded, giving him an insidious half-smile. She raised the gun to his head. 

[Blow-dryer in bathtub attack!] 

*Cough**Hack*. 

Mystique dropped the ashen gun. Her yellow pupils bright against her now charred-black skin. She hacked again. *Hack*. 

"Wow," Destiny said from farther away in the forest. "Didn't see ~~that~~ one comin'." 

Pikachu bent down to retrieve the gun ... but his stubby little legs and fat torso would not allow him to do so. [Bulbasaudr! Charmander! Get the gun for me] he ordered his lackey friends, who obeyed nervously. Pikachu brushed the sparkling metal and laughed evilly. [Heh heh heh.] He was getting closer and closer to conquering the X-Men. Wolfsbane, Shadowcat, and Mystique were already out of the picture. 

All of a sudden, Charmander turned around. [Look out!] he screamed. 

Pikachu turned around and fired off his gun a few times. Sabretooth fell. 

[Heh heh heh. Bingo.] Pikachu snickered. [Let's go. Before his healing factor kicks in. Quickly!] 

The three Pokémon ran off into the woods. 

[Sabretooth's down. But not for long!] Bulbasaur said. 

The three circled around a bend and ran straight into a Jean Grey look-alike. 

[How ~~you~~ doin'?] 

Madeline Pryor rolled her eyes and walked away. "I'm a ~~very~~ busy woman. I don't have ~~time~~ to flirt with a ..." She turned around to face Bulbasaur and frowned. "~~Whatever~~ you are!" She spun back around and disappeared into the forest. "I have to find Mr. Sinister. Scotty owes him money." 

***   
Meanwhile, by the pool at the X-Mansion 

"You saw ~~that~~, huh! ~~Yeah~~, baby!" 

"Come on, Sinister. It's just a game," Cannonball said, crossing his arms over his chest angrily. "Don't know ~~why~~ Ah even bother to play ya if you're gonna act like this." 

Mr. Sinister spiked the pingpong ball and did the endzone dance. 

"Ah quit! Blob, it's ~~your~~ turn." Cannonball marched away angrily. 

"Let's see how you manage against the ~~Blob~~!" 

"Bring it on, baby. Bring. It. On." 

***   
The Juggernaut burst in through the Professor's study. "I am the Juggernaut!" 

The Professor put down his book, sighed, and looked up. "I ~~know~~ who you are. We're ~~brothers~~, for God's sake! ~~Must you~~ insist on introducing yourself every time we meet?"   


"... Yes." 

***   
Paige walked through the halls of the X-Mansion, humming and muttering the words to a song she had recently heard on the radio. "Hmmm hm hmmm hm ... Where have all the cowboys gone ..." she sang quietly to herself. 

{{ Hey, Sunshine. }} 

"Jono! Uhhhh ..." 

Jono walked up beside her and raised an eyebrow. {{ What were you singing? }} he asked mentally. 

"Uhhh ... nothing. Nothing! Uhmmmm ..." 

{{ Was that ~~country~~, gel? }}   


"Well, it wasn't really, it was more ... Uhhh... It was ... just a song." 

{{ About cowboys? }} 

"Uh, no! Hey, look! Is that Miss Frost? She looks mad!" 

{{ Where? }} Jono asked, turning around fearfully. 

Paige took off running. 

***   
Pikachu and Bulbasaur stared in through the half opened window. 

[Why do ~~I~~ have to keep you guys up on my shoulders?!] 

[Because I said so! Now hold still!] 

Charmander hoisted the two through the window and they fell with a ~~thud~~! Pikachu then pulled Charmander up. 

[Hey! Why couldn't Bulbasaur pull us up here with his vine whip?!] 

[Ya know, he could have ...] Pikachu said thoughtfully, [But I didn't feel like it. Besides: Bulbasaur's weak!] 

[Hey! That ~~hurt~~.] 

"What do we have here?" A voice boomed from above. They all looked up. Above them stood a tall girl with short hair and bones jutting out of her skin, her face, waist, and arms. "Pretty, pretty upworlder Pokémon." She frowned thoughtfully. "Actually," she said in reveltion, "you guys are pretty ugly! Okay, you're free to go." She walked off with Callisto . 

The three Pokémon breathed three sighs of relief and continued down the halls. 

***   
"So, what have you been doing, Avalanche?" 

"Nothing much. I go to various parks and make landslides so they have to put those big yellow signs up. You, Magneto?" 

"Nothing. Oh! I've made a hobby out of upsetting compasses! Heh heh heh ... look at it go! Oh, you silly, silly compass, you. O-o-oh, delightful." 

"Is he always like this?" 

Toad nodded. "Yup." 

***   
"Hey, SunFire." 

"Hey, Domino."   


"Hi, Warpath. Feral." 

"Hi." 

"Wassup?" 

"Just got here. Hey! Did you hear about that Pokémon thing? Think we chose a bad day to do our protest?" 

"Nahhh ... " Feral said. "I say, let'em squirm." 

"Damn straight!" Warpath raised his glass of grape juice (the only drink left after Apocalypse, Leech, and Artie were done raiding the fridge) in a mock toast. 

Domino sat down between Feral and Cable and reached for a glass of grape juice next to Feral. Feral growled. Domino snatched her hand away. 

***   
Footsteps were heard echoing down the hall in a sort of march. Pikachu, Bulbasaur, and Charmander ducked behind a wall and watched Rogue marched past, Gambit chasing her, and another blonde ensuing. 

"Belladonna, Remy said ~~go~~!" 

"Ah'm not leaving!" 

"Well, ~~Ah~~ am, Sugah, so quit ~~followin' me~~!"   


[Charmander, now!] hissed Pikachu. 

[Heart burn attack!] Charmander torched the entire parade-love-triangle ... well, ~~most~~ of it anyway. Rogue was left standing. 

[Good work, Charmander!] Bulbasaur said, giving him a high five. 

Rogue approached them all and with one sudden movement, she kicked Charmander, who flew back and hit the wall. "Now stay outta mah personal life!" she yelled, and stormed off. 

***   
Jubilee ran into the forest. "I think I saw them go in here!" 

Wolverine followed her. "No. I smell'em over at the X-Mansion! You stay with me. I don't wantcha gettin' hurt by these freaky Pokémon." 

"Wolvie? You're an electric conductor. You need ~~my~~ help!" 

"You're the own that brought'em here, kid. Now follow me!" 

Jubilee did so and the two passed Cypher (whom they thought had died trying to protect Wolfsbane) and Moira McTaggert, arguing about whether the movie "MonkeyBone" was more special effects or clamation. Gaia was trying to get a word in but Cypher kept cutting her off. JetStorm looked annoyed with Cypher as well. 

"They could at least help," Jubilee muttered. 

"You really want hundreds of angry mutants, all using their powers, trying to catch three little rat-faced Pokémon? Honestly, Jubilee, I thought you were smarter than that." 

"No. Not much." 

Wolverine helped Jubilee up to the window, then jumped in himseld. He followed the trail by smell and Jubilee followed. 

Suddenly, Wolverine froze. "Oh, shit," he muttered quietly, stopping at the control booth door to the Danger Room. 

"What? Oh, no. The DR. Ya think they ... ?" 

"I ~~know~~ they." 

"So what do we do?" Jubilee asked, entering the DR control booth. 

"We can either kill them now and have KidsWB kill us or we can let the little monsters live and have them kill us while we sleep." 

"Death by corporation or death by Pokémon. Hmmm ... I'd rather be killed by something ~~bigger~~ than me than by something ~~smaller~~." 

"My thoughts exactly, Jubes. Now let's say we get the sentinels on their asses." 

"Yeah!" 

Wolverine entered a few keywords into the computers and waited as the Danger Room turned into a shopping mall with a Pokémon-hungry Sentinel on the loose. 

***   
"Target, acquired: Mutant ... Wolverine. Mission: Destroy." 

[Hey! Even the sentinel thinks you look like Wolverine!] 

[You're not ~~helping~~!] Pikachu growled. He attempted to electrocute the large sentinel. 

But it was weak. 

The sentinel scratched its head where Pikachu had shocked it, turned around, and stepped down. "Mission, completed." 

***   
"Mission, completed," the two X-Men heard the sentinel echo. 

Jubilee turned to look up at Wolverine. "Do you think they're dead?" she whispered finally. 

"Only one way t'find out, darlin'," he said and turned around to leave. Jubilee turned off the simulation and followed Wolverine our the door. 

"What if they're not?" she asked. 

"Then we make'em." 

"What if we can't?" she asked again, causing him to stop. 

Wolverine turned around. "We will. We will crush those little bastards if it's the last thing we do." He turned back around and kept walking. 

Jubilee smiled quietly and then hurried after him. 

Upon entering the Danger Room, Jubilee automatically shrank back a little, expecting a Pokémon-attack of doom There was none. 

And instinctively, Wolverine popped his claws, expecting a Pokémon-onslaught from hell. There was none. "What the - ?!" Wolverine stared at the Pokémon, who were still alive. 

All three of them were in a battle pose, waiting for the X-Men to make the first move. 

Jubilee approached the Pokémon, but stopped halfway. Pikachu did the same. Suddenly, Wolverine shouted, "Jubilee! Fireworks, now!" and Jubilee *paft*ed Pikachu across the room, flying into Charmander's arms. 

Pikachu jumped up again. 

[Pikachu! Fork-in-light-socket attack! Now!] Charmander ordered. 

Pikachu turned around, bewildered. [What the ~~hell~~? What are you, ~~nuts~~?!] Pikachu screamed. 

Charmander didn't have an excuse, really. [Uhmmm ... ] he drawled. [Sorry. I guess I just got wrapped up in the excitement of it all.] 

[Psh. Loser.] Pikachu snarled, turning back around. 

Meanwhile, Jubilee was crouched and ready for another attack or an order from Logan. 

Pikachu shot another bolt of lightning at Jubilee and she dodged the attack. 

"Jubilee! Dodge, now!" 

"Little late for that now," she muttered to herself. 

All of a sudden, Logan heard voices from outside the Danger Room door. They were coming closer. 

"No!" he yelled, but it was too late. They had already opened the door. 

Magik, Magik II, Rictor, Shard, and Bishop entered the room, talking amongst themselves. 

"Oh, my God! I ~~know~~! Joey should have ~~so~~ chosen Dawson!" Rictor said. 

"I don't like Joey," Shard said. 

"She has bad judgement," Magik added. 

"I know," Bishop said. 

As Logan and Jubilee turned around to look at Magik and Magik II, Pikachu, Charmander, and Bulbasaur scurried under their feet and ran out the open door. 

"Hey!" Amanda Sefton, Magik II, said obliviously. "You don't mind if we use the Danger Room, do you? We have to train." 

*Snikt*! Logan began to growl, but Jubilee grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "It's okay, Logan," she said. "She's, like, ~~blonde~~!" 

***   
Gateway, the old mutant Aborigine, sat, meditating in a patch of sunlight in the forest. He opened hi eyes, looked around, and formed a portal. He reached inside and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He patted around until he found a lighter. 

Joseph and Legion approached him, confused. "What are you doing?" Joseph asked 

Gateway smiled and silently offered them a cigarette from his pack. 

"Thanks!" Legion sat down and lit it with one of his flames. "So. What's going on with you lately?" 

Gateway stayed silent. No shocker there. 

***   
Dazzler walked around the edge of the pool, singing quietly to herself, sparks flying out and lighting several blades of grass on fire. One hit Pete Wisdom in the head. 

"Good God! My bloody eye!" 

WildChild and Sunspot began to laugh. 

***   
Pikachu, Charmander, and Bulbasaur stood at the edge of the forest, watching as the figures got bigger and bigger. Wolverine and Jubilee were coming closer. Meggan and Meltdown were coming from opposite sides. All of the ThunderBirds were coming, too. They were surrounded. 

"You can either surrender now, bub," Wolverine warned as the rest of the X-Teams gathered around. "Or you can choose the more painful approach: ~~I rip ya a new one~~!" 

[Never!] Pikachu yelled. [We shall ~~never surrender~~!] 

All of a sudden, Colossus appeared, and stepped on them. "Da!" 

" ... Well," Jean Grey said, "~~that~~ worked out rather nicely." 

-The End -. 


End file.
